Squeak screamed
like every other coach I had
but somehow I don't think he was afraid of the four horsemen of the apocalypse
even if he did remind me of ring wraith
Nazgul
with his smoker's hack
and colourful vocabulary
Squeak often entered the dressing room after the First Period
and told us we were skating like old ladies
and that our scoring production was horseshit
and that we weren't hitting
and it was hitting that won games
because it tired the other team out
to prepare for Squeak's training camp
the Calgary Mustangs
named after the car
that was hoisted on a pedestal
prairie public sculpture
advertising art
the way we called crude oil Texas Tea
and it had nothing to do with the Beverly Hillbillies
then on McLeod Trail
we took power skating with Howie Meeker's Hockey School
at Rose Kohn Arena
after that it was Deal Cassidy'sCalgary Booster Club Hockey School
and getting chased around the rink by Calgary Dinos coach Schneider
in a game of rabbit
you got a head start from the hash marks to the blue line
and if he caught you he slapped your ass with the blade of his stick
all the way around the ice
which was motive enough to hustle
and when you had made the cut
and played the season
and got hives from a chocolate milkshake
somewhere on the road
maybe Three Hills
there was time to enjoy
Stampede Wresting at the Corral
where Squeak made the ice
and watch Ed Whalen from CHCT (2&7) whack
any number of dummies
over the head
with his mike
every week it was somebody different who got clobbered
it didn't really matter who
whether it was Gene Kiniski or Killer Kowalski
Klondike Bill or Man Mountain Mike
Antonio Argentina Rocco or Angelo Mosca
ex football players all
still in those days there was no question of making fun of somebody else's culture
everybody did a good job of dissing their own
and so I learned the lessons of Squeak
being smoked at in the dressing room
and having my skates sharpened between periods
because that's what the pros do
and skating better than a granny
and bending my ankles less than a possum
and going in the corners
for the cherry picker in front of the net
and otherwise being Jonah
like every other coach I had
but somehow I don't think he was afraid of the four horsemen of the apocalypse
even if he did remind me of ring wraith
Nazgul
with his smoker's hack
and colourful vocabulary
and told us we were skating like old ladies
and that our scoring production was horseshit
and that we weren't hitting
and it was hitting that won games
because it tired the other team out
to prepare for Squeak's training camp
the Calgary Mustangs
that was hoisted on a pedestal
advertising art
the way we called crude oil Texas Tea
and it had nothing to do with the Beverly Hillbillies
and sponsored by the local Ford dealership
Maclin Fordthen on McLeod Trail
we took power skating with Howie Meeker's Hockey School
and getting chased around the rink by Calgary Dinos coach Schneider
you got a head start from the hash marks to the blue line
and if he caught you he slapped your ass with the blade of his stick
all the way around the ice
which was motive enough to hustle
and when you had made the cut
and played the season
and got hives from a chocolate milkshake
somewhere on the road
maybe Three Hills
Stampede Wresting at the Corral
and watch Ed Whalen from CHCT (2&7) whack
any number of dummies
with his mike
every week it was somebody different who got clobbered
it didn't really matter who
whether it was Gene Kiniski or Killer Kowalski
the British Bulldogs or the Kiwis or the Wild Samoans
Sweet Daddy Seki or Archie the Stomper
it was all just wrastlin'
good clean fun
and apparently acting
although I never noticed
and didn't know anybody else who did
everybody did a good job of dissing their own
and so I learned the lessons of Squeak
being smoked at in the dressing room
and having my skates sharpened between periods
because that's what the pros do
and skating better than a granny
and bending my ankles less than a possum
and going in the corners
for the cherry picker in front of the net
and otherwise being Jonah
for the chance to get the puck
and score a goal
or get an assist.
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